HAPPY BIRTHDAY SARA!

WITH AGE COMES WISDOM...

A guy is 81 years old and loves to fish. He was sitting in his

boat the other day when he heard a voice say, "Pick me up."

*
He looked around and couldn't see any one. He thought he

was dreaming when he heard the voice say again, "Pick me up."

He looked in the water and there, floating on the top, was a frog.
*
The man said, "Are you talking to me?"

*
The frog said, "Yes, I'm talking to you. Pick me up.

Then, kiss me and I'll turn into the most beautiful woman you

have ever seen. I'll then give you more sexual pleasure that you

ever could have dreamed of."

*
The man looked at the frog for a short time, reached over,

picked it up carefully, and placed it in his front breast pocket.

*
Then the frog said, "What, are you nuts? Didn't you hear what I said?

I said kiss me and I will l give you sexual pleasures like you have never had."

*
He opened his pocket, looked at the frog and said,

"Nah, at my age I'd rather have a talking frog."

WHO'S AFRAID OF MID-LIFE?

Mid-life is when the growth of hair on our legs slows down. This gives us plenty of time to care for our newly acquired mustache.

In mid-life women no longer have upper arms, we have wingspans. We are no longer women in sleeveless shirts, we are flying squirrels in drag.

Mid-life is when you can stand naked in front of a mirror and you can see your rear without turning around.

Mid-life is when you go for a mammogram and you realize that this is the only time someone will ask you to appear topless.

Mid-life is when you want to grab every firm young lovely in a tube top and scream, "Listen honey, even the Roman empire fell and those will too."

Mid-life brings wisdom to know that life throws us curves and we're sitting on our biggest ones.

Mid-life is when you look at your-know-it-all, beeper-wearing teenager and think: "For this I have stretch marks?"

In mid-life your memory starts to go. In fact the only thing we can retain is water.

Mid-life means that your Body By Jake now includes Legs By Rand McNally -- more red and blue lines than an accurately scaled map of Wisconsin.

Mid-life means that you become more reflective...You start pondering the "big" questions. What is life? Why am I here? How much Healthy Choice ice cream can I eat before it's no longer a healthy choice?

But mid-life also brings with it an appreciation for what is important.

We realize that breasts sag, hips expand and chins double, but our loved ones make the journey worthwhile. Would any of you trade the knowledge that you have now for the body you had way back when?

Maybe our bodies simply have to expand to hold all the wisdom and love we've acquired.

That's my philosophy and I'm sticking to it!