Saturday, June 09, 2007

"COLD" IS A RELATIVE TERM

Use the handy list below to overcome the confusion.

Degrees F

* 65 Hawaiians declare a two-blanket night

* 60 Californians put on sweaters (if they can find one)

* 50 Miami residents turn on the heat

* 45 Vermont residents go to outdoor concerts

* 40 You can see your breath
* Californians shiver uncontrollably
* Minnesotans go swimming

* 35 Italian cars don't start

* 32 Water freezes

* 30 You plan your vacation to Australia

* 25 Ohio water freezes
* Californians weep pitiably
* Minnesotans eat ice cream
* Canadians go swimming

* 20 Politicians begin to talk about the homeless
* New York City water freezes
* Miami residents plan vacation further South

* 15 French cars don't start
* Cat insists on sleeping in your bed with you

* 10 You need jumper cables to get the car going

* 5 American cars don't start

* 0 Alaskans put on T-shirts

* -10 German cars don't start
* Eyes freeze shut when you blink

* -15 You can cut your breath and use it to build an igloo
* Arkansans stick tongue on metal objects
* Miami residents cease to exist

* -20 Cat insists on sleeping in pajamas with you
* Politicians actually do something about the homeless
* Minnesotans shovel snow off roof
* Japanese cars don't start

* -25 Too cold to think
* You need jumper cables to get the driver going

* -30 You plan a two week hot bath

* -40 Californians disappear
* Minnesotans button top button
* Canadians put on sweaters
* Your car helps you plan your trip South

* -50 Congressional hot air freezes
* Alaskans close the bathroom window

* -80 Hell freezes over
* Polar bears move South
* Viking Fans order hot cocoa at the game

* -90 Lawyers put their hands in their own pockets

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