THE ART OF FRIENDSHIP

I have heard so many people tell me it’s so hard to make friends. In our culture today we tend to want things fast and now but friendships mark a series of sharing stages that develop over time slowly. Two or more individuals can develop a loyalty and closeness by creating a common history and nurturing common interests. Friendships can become a force that generates mutual respect, self esteem and empathy. Friendships call us out of ourselves into a broader perspective of life. However, in the stresses of career and the routines of daily living, the task of developing a friendship can be a real challenge in the even expanding demands of today’s world.

Persons from vastly different backgrounds and lifestyles can become friends but none of this comes instantaneously. Friendship takes work and like a garden, even the best of friendships need tending in order to produce fruit and lasting fulfillment.

For thousands of years humans have engaged in the basic social bond called friendship. These bonds eventually gathered humans into larger and larger social groups. If humans had been solitary creatures rather than gregarious, civilization would not exist today. Friendships and alliances provided the foundation of cultural growth and development. Friendship expressed the fundamental realization, “I need others”. So how do we make deep lasting friends?

The first step in founding a friendship is extending ourselves into another’s life. That can be as simple as starting a conversation in a cafe or lending someone a pen at work. Offering to help a neighbor move a piece of furniture and talking about gardening over the fence are ways I have started the ball rolling. Keep the gestures simple and sincere as you reach out. Present yourself in a warm casual manner that suggests respect and congeniality. Lofty cool attitudes are poor calling cards. Don’t expect instant success and remember, the best and deepest bonds develop slowly.

Once we extend ourselves a little and have introduced ourselves, how do we set the stage for further contact? Begin to evaluate common interests and goals that both of you share. Build a sense of fellowship from common causes, music and hobbies. Some people like to talk about themselves and you may be one of them but don’t always do all the talking. Listen to what they are saying, not what you want to say next.

A friend should express a genuine interest in the life and ongoing development of others. Asking questions and truly listening can uncover interesting details about someone that makes them unique. The art of listening must be nurtured if a friendship is to prosper and grow. At this stage we begin to share ideas and dreams and the bonds deepen.

As you develop a friendship you will encounter differences of opinion and tastes. Learn to accept them and enjoy them, these differences bring a pungency to the relationship and challenge our own views without threatening us.

Keep in mind special dates by sending a card or a small gift. Over and over I have found this small gesture a real bond builder.

In today’s hectic schedules plan an occasional special outing: a trip to the local conservatory, shopping, breakfast out or a museum. Learn to have fun too. Don’t be stingy, money is for spending. Live generously.

Look around their house, make note of what they talk about in conversation. Listen! If you do you’ll find out what makes your friend click. Remember a special occasion with a special gift that reflects what you have learned about them. They will love you for it. If you really like some one this will come easy. Take a few simple steps and discover the magic of friendship.

Dano Ray Pierce, 1997/2007