What are some psychological facts to win an argument?

Christian Jerome

I’ll tell you not just some psychological facts. I’ll tell you the advice of one of the most outstanding and accomplished lawyers my country has ever had.

This is Miriam Defensor-Santiago, a Filipino lawyer, academic, judge, author, and statesman:

Her career as a lawyer saw her serve in all three branches of the Philippine government. In 1997, she was considered part of The 100 Most Powerful Women in the World by The Australian magazine.

In 2012, she also became the first Filipina and the first Asian from a developing country who became a judge of the International Criminal Court.

In short, she can argue.

In an article by Esquire Philippines, they outlined Defensor-Santiago’s words on how to win an argument. According to her:

Sometimes you have to catch your opponent flat-footed. And you have to play tricks that are not exactly in the book. For example, if he is very bombastic then you must lower your tone and sound more sober than he is. Because by comparison, he will sound drunk. Or if he is very very serious, then you crack a joke.

This tip basically says that do not play like the other person, because you will surely lose. Fighting fire with fire might work out sometimes, but if the person you’re arguing with, for example, has a naturally explosive temper and is prone to shouting and being overly aggressive, it’s no use arguing the same way. Be calmer, lower your voice, and make it look like they’re being too worked up by whatever it is you’re arguing about.

Defensor-Santiago added some examples of her own:

For example, when we were debating the death penalty, and I was still a student in law school, my opponent was also a student. He addressed me as "Mrs." instead of "Ms." And I said, "please use 'Ms.' But I will not impose the death penalty for your mistake…

…Or when we were opening up trade ties with China, we were talking about volumes of trade, balance of payment and balance of trade. All of a sudden, I said, "Well, Filipinos might drink some tea but remember we export sugar but the Chinese don’t take sugar in their tea." So that was a very effective point to say we could not possibly make money out of an RP-China trade relation at the time.

In a nutshell, when arguing, don’t follow the playbook. Be creative, be unpredictable, be playful, and be flexible. Winning arguments isn’t just about having the best argument, it’s also about knowing how to best deliver them.