Sunday, July 18, 2021

How did you bluff your way out of paying a bribe when traveling?


Ah, I’ve got a story for you!

In 2003, my wife and I were backpacking around South East Asia, and took the long bus from Laos (Vientienne) over the mountains to Vietnam (Hanoi). Meant to take 24 hours, actually took 30 (without sleep) and went via Hoi An without them telling us, had chickens running around on the bus, a monk passenger blessed us en route, a child urinated on my foot (encouraged by his mother), the urine went back and forth along the wooden slats of the bus for the whole journey, the 50+ year old bus screamed along curvy mountain roads all night with various bits of the bus falling off and brakes occasionally failing, and when we arrived in Hanoi we feared for our lives as we arrived after curfew, the streets were empty, and our cab driver had a shouting match with his passenger making us think they were taking us somewhere to harvest our organs.

But that’s another story…

The border crossing into Vietnam was in the middle of bleedin’ nowhere. Huts and angry men with guns. They got everyone off the bus, and immediately singled us out for attention. We had to empty the entire contents of all our bags onto the dusty street, where they poked at EVERY item and shouted with wide eyes “WASS THIS????”.

“Erm, a toothbrush”

“WASS THIS?”

“Boxer shorts”

“WASS THIS???”

“Birth control pills”

*Puzzled look*

“No baby, no baby”

“WASS THIS?”

And so on. For over half an hour, with all the other passengers watching. We knew we had to be ready to give them a bribe, but there was really no obvious opportunity to do so. There was little of value, so eventually they gave us back our passports and sent us to a hut 500m away to get our stamps. Surprisingly straightforward from then on, we returned to our belongings and nothing was stolen. However at this point they were processing all the other passengers, each of whom in turn would present an offering at the feet of a sitting customs officer. Each time, he would look at the offering, and then use his foot to drag it under his chair. Rinse and repeat for the other 15 passengers.

And then, in our sleep deprived fog, we were on our way. Next stop was a restaurant with no English menus and food of VERY questionable origin. The toilet was literally in a pig barn with - I swear - a 300lb heffer staring at us from 15 inches away as we did our business. But that, as I said, is another story!


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