This is a great question because something JUST happened that I think is perfect for this subject.
Let me preface this post by saying my son is the SWEETEST kid in the world. That is not hyperbole. My son is quite possibly the sweetest child on the planet.
(I love this picture).
And he's been through a LOT in his 8 years on this ride called “Life”. More than I ever could've predicted when he was born. From his father being in an accident that left me considerably disabled (I'm doing alright now, thank God) to his mother abandoning him to pursue the elusive “White Dragon” and everything in between.
Couple all that trauma with a speech impediment and a delay in his motor skills, and you're left with a shy socially awkward little boy with an absolute heart of gold.
The past two summers, I sent my son to a day camp. I wanted him to overcome his social anxieties and make some damn friends.
But this year, on the very first day, he was beaten up by two boys on the bus ride home. They were brothers. One his age, the other a few years older.
He didn’t want to tell me when he got home. But I quickly recognized when he walked in the door that something was off. I had to really prod him to get him to open up.
He said the boys had started ganging up on him so he went to the bus matron, but she sent him back to his seat. She may have had trouble understanding him if he was upset or flustered, but she should have had some patience and figured out what was happening.
I called the camp supervisor immediately and was assured it would be handled.
A few days later, it happened again. This time with a third participant joining in the bullying.
I told my son, who is a very big strong kid (he's 5 feet tall and weighs 130 lbs.) that if the staff is failing to protect him, then he has to defend himself (being as big as he is, but as shy as he is, with his speech impediment, he's always a target for bullies. So he takes martial arts classes just in case…) but he said “No dad, fighting is against the rules and I don't want to hurt anyone.”
I’m getting a bit choked up just thinking about that conversation… and those brats are damn LUCKY my boy is so kind because he could SMASH kids his age if he wanted!
“Besides dad, they can't hurt me because I'm bigger than them.”
God damnit, imagining anyone taking advantage of my son’s big heart makes the fighter in me want to go do to their parents what the parents failed to teach their kids NOT to do. I know that wouldn't solve anything, but I would definitely feel vindicated to some degree…but I digress.
A few days later, somebody made fun of him for not being good at soccer while they were playing. Again, no adult stepped in. So my son left the game and went to sit by himself in the lunch area. When he sat down, one of these boys snuck up behind him and dumped a cup of dirt over his head. Then another boy ran up and shoved him and ran off.
When he told me this, I lost my shit. It was a Friday so my family advised me to wait until Monday to call the supervisor, after I had a chance to calm down and THINK.
I called first thing Monday morning, a half hour before his bus pickup, leaving myself ample time to cancel the bus if the call didn't go well enough that I felt he was 'safe'.
We're getting close to the original question now. If you're a parent, especially of a special needs child, be prepared to be FUCKING OUTRAGED.
The supervisor (she's lucky I don't believe in “doxing” people. Sometimes it requires great restraint to remain composed and responsible) asked me what the three boys' names were. I told her I didn't know, but asked why SHE didn't know yet!?! After all, this was our FOURTH discussion about the same serious issue!!
She said, “If you can’t give me the boys' names, what am I supposed to do? Besides, this happened on FRIDAY, and you're just calling me NOW?”
I said, “I did you a FAVOR by not calling on Friday, because I would not have been able to control myself on Friday. So I'm calling you TODAY. And my son doesn't KNOW the boys' names, but I was under the impression YOU had figured that out by now!” to which she replied, “Your son has been taking the bus with these kids for three weeks. How does he not know their names by now??”
I wasn't sure if she was insinuating my son was LYING or she was ridiculing him. Both scenarios would've incensed me equally.
I replied, “My son doesn't know their names because he has social anxiety due to his speech! So it's hard talking to kids he doesn't know, because he's ashamed of his speech impediment." I continued, “I explained these issues to you before I paid you the three grand for the camp! You assured me you were qualified and adept at caring for special needs kids. If that wasn't the case, you should have told me so from the start!”
She replied, “Look I've tried talking to your son about the beatings and the bullying. I couldn't understand anything he said. So if your son can’t talk clearly enough to tell me what's going on, I don't know what to tell you!”
I hung up on her.
I scoured the internet to track down the man who OWNS the camp.
When I called him, he said he'd already spoken to his supervisor and she informed him that “it sounded like Mr. Pinto and his son need a break from camp.” The $3000 plus lunch, trip fees and supplies camp. Yeah, she thought we needed a break from THAT.
But the owner is a ‘real’ professional caregiver. He wanted to hear my side of the story.
So I filled him in on what happened. And he wasnt very happy.
He informed me that he was a special needs child too, and he was bullied for it, and he knew first hand the long term damage it can do. He apologized and said “This type of crap has NO PLACE in my camps!”
Then he asked if he could call me back…
because he had to “Go deal with some people”.
He called me back two hours later and informed me those boys were no longer members of the camp, and his staff would be undergoing training again. He also called the bus company and said special needs children are never to be out of the sight of the matron, and if they can’t adequately monitor the children, he'd use another company…
He even picked one of the college aged counselors to be my son's “buddy”. The kid went everywhere with my son (as a “buddy”, not a chaperone) and helped him assimilate into a group of friends. This really helped my son open up and socialize the last two weeks.
And there was never an issue again. Just like that.
Two hours; problem solved. 'Real' caregiver.
Amazing how simple it was to eliminate the problem once somebody gave a damn.
Bullying is a serious issue and should be treated as such.
Please share if you agree and thank you for reading.
EDIT: My son says hi to all his new “fans” on quora lol. He thinks it's “cool” people read stories about him on here, haha.
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