Senior Citizens: What goes through your mind when you realize you have 10% of your life left to live?

Sally Alter

I am 72 and have never been happier.

As for having only 10% of my life left this is influenced mainly by one thing:

When I was young I used to sweat over having ‘friends’. All I wanted was people to relate to, people to go out with, people to prove that I am worthy of being with. It was a strong theme in my life.

I spent most of my life in therapy, going over and over this same old theme.

Now, I couldn’t care less.

People are no longer beating on my door for help, calling me up with all their problems, writing me needy emails. I am free of all that, and am perfectly happy on my own.

When you are young it seems impossible that you don’t need people, but the older you get the more you see that they are more trouble than they are worth.

I have been used by so many people. I have been miserable.

I have a giving nature. I just can’t help giving. I used to spend a lot of my time taking people out for lunch, ferrying them here and there, making things for them, stopping what I was doing at the drop of a hat if I thought somebody needed me.

One day, I was driving an anxious woman, who couldn’t drive to the back of the supermarket to pick up ‘one day old bread,’ when she leaned over and said to me, ‘Why are you so servile?’

That did it.

Now all that is for the birds. I am perfectly happy that the phone no longer rings, my email inbox is not crammed full of requests, and I no longer have to keep spending money taking people out for meals.

Oh, and the cooking. I used to feel obliged to have people round for dinner. Seeing as I have been alone for many years this involved a lot of work. Was I invited back? No. Some people don’t think they should invite you back for dinner at their house. They just want to take all they can get.

I could relay so many stories to you about people who have used me, but realize, at last, that it was me that allowed that to happen.

I finally learned to say, ‘No’.

So, when I realize I have only 10% of my life left, I don’t care one fig. I am happy to spend it on doing what I want to do. I like my own company. Don’t disturb me. I enjoy being alone.

Sally Alter - Author

“A Practical Guide to Overcoming Loneliness.”