Will child-free people get lonely in old age without kids?

Bradley Todd 

Let me tell you a story. I have two sons. I love my boys more than anything. I have spent the last 20 or so years living my life around theirs— trying to support their interests, guide without controlling, accepting their challenges while celebrating their amazing individuality.

On his 18th birthday, my older son talked to me on my way to bed. We laughed about some videos he’d been watching. Very normal chat. When my other son woke me a couple of hours later, my older son was gone, and I have not spoken to him since. It’s been six months. He’s alive and well and living in another state with some strangers.

You probably think I’m leaving out the abuse or something. Nope. He just left. We got along great. No explanation, other than a short note that he wanted more independence— though, I never told him what to do, other than to go to school.

By now, I’ve packed up his things. He’s gone. I don’t expect he’ll come back. That period of my life is over.

Another story, just a month or so before my son left, my mother died. I spent her last months with her— changing her diaper, feeding her. She’d had a stroke the day after I’d brought my sons to see her after learning she was ill. I spent the next three months or so alternating with my brother, caring for her.

One of our brothers, who lived nearby, did nothing for her. One managed her financial affairs. We traveled there from different states and lived with her.

My point is that, maybe, if you’re reallllly lucky, your kids will be there for you at the end. Be nice to them. It’s the luck of the draw. Had my one brother been in charge, she’d have lived out her final days in a hospice, surrounded by strangers. Instead, I cooked her her favorite meals and watched Rocketman over and over with her for the first time.

If you’re having kids for any reason other than the experience of raising children, you’re fooling yourself. They’re not an investment. They’re an experience. You should count yourself lucky if they call you now and then when they’re adults.

It’s a crap shoot. I’d say focus on building friendships with people who will stick with you. Build a social life. Get involved in your community. If you want kids because they’ll “have to take care of you when you’re old” save yourself a LOT of expense and hassle and make some good friends instead. It’s a better bet.