This is an excellent question that is not explored enough. Before answering, all of the ‘legends’ who are still mountain climbing, go ahead and tell us of your exploits, but for the rest of us, here is what I have seen as a caregiver and as someone who for the 1st time in his life has had health problems, not of my own making either.
This is your late 80s, someone to help you and your walker get around.
1ST A NOTE ON YOUR 70’S
70’s can be vastly different for each of us. It is the ultimate winnowing decade where long term illnesses or cancers pop up and before you know it, someone who appeared to be the picture of health is gone. My generation of baby boomers is right smack in the middle of their 70’s and it is one wild shit show of ups, downs, meds, knee replacements, breast cancers, prostate prostate and more prostate and heart issues for both genders. Even early dementia seems to be kicking in as meds combined with lack of exercise, obesity and downright loneliness all seem to conspire to make the 70’s a very unstable decade.
Still if you make it through, you come to something unmistakable your 80’s. That’s when the real changes kick in.
80 - 83 - The Last of the Good times
- GETTING AROUND early 80’s - At 80, most people who have made it that far are still driving. By 82 or 83 that is all but gone, by 85 forget about it. Those who do well and still get out and about either live right next to their ‘services’ including grocery, doctors, meds or have good bus systems. Trains become a nightmare for older people as they are simply too inflexible. On/off, platforms, moving before you are ready, steps, not enough escalators. Compare that to buses with platforms for wheelchairs and a kind word for an old man or lady who is pulling a cart. They can and will wait until you sit and almost always people will make way.
- 85 Onward for Transportation - Trains are all but finished, buses may be possible, otherwise someone is driving you. Increasingly you are homebound. By 85 my experience has been, on average if someone is not picking you up, you are not going anywhere.
- Mobility - If you made it to 80 in good health and there is no such thing really at that point, the key is to KEEP WALKING. Every step you take adds to your quality of life. Reality? Men are terrible at this by and large unless they have a partner, their friends are either dead or useless at that point. Women I have found are better but it is a small cohort.
- Mobility Part 2 - By 85 there is no way the average Octogenarian is walking down the street by themselves and if they do, it is with great courage. Slowly as they sink into their body frame, only those with absolute understanding of their surroundings go out alone. The rest are now at best semi-ambulatory. Meaning walkers start kicking in even for the better fit ones. My Mom could walk but it was with holding someone’s arm. In and out of cars start getting tough by 86.
- Death - before you get to the latter part of the 80’s, check the stats, check who is passing that are famous. Almost all of them who made it that far pass from 85 - 88. Very rare is the person who makes it beyond 88. I have been tracking this for years, in-laws, parents, their friends, celebrities. Ok, I know it sounds macabre, but for me it is previews of coming attractions. Can I make it beyond 86 is a real question regardless of how much I exercise as there are just to many forces out there that can go wrong. They are cumulative and when they do and then in a flash you are gone.
- Pneumonia, or any respiratory disease, some mix up in meds, some old disease or chronic disease, dementia in some form is an obvious problem for the vast majority by 86 or 87.
- Now the late 80’s - my experience has been from 86 onwards it s a crap shoot. Watch out for falling or your broken hip will mean 6 months to live or less. Get all of the bars, no tubs for gosh sake and flat stable surfaces. Nothing slick, everything handy and get them up and walking but watch them all the time. You are now in full caregiver mode whether you like it or not. That means rotation of various siblings for your parent or parents if you have them.
- Nursing or assisted living - this starts as early as 70 as a lot of people I know just don’t want the hassle of taking care of a house. And guess what are they right! Falling off ladders is just one of many potential lethal ways to send you into a spiral. How about knives, oldies I know cannot be trusted with a knife after 80, let alone 90. There is no suppleness in their fingers, their eyes have a hard time to adjust. What about the blade, to sharp, not sharp enough? All of these are potential accidents in waiting.
- Assisted living or nursing in your 80’s is often not welcome but for caregivers a lot just have to give up. For most this is a death sentence, at most 3 - 4 years, usually 1 - 2. If you are an early type, you get your own unit, no worries, keep up your hobbies but by your 80’s you are not getting out either. Time is inevitable.
LATE 80s-90’s
I only know a few people in this category. Most have set a goal to ‘make it to my 90th birthday’. All of their energy seems to go into that on average as something of a lifetime achievement award. A very good friend just turned 90 and got married a week later to his decades long girlfriend.
People don’t give up once they reach 90, if they can get there and in my group that is quite rare. But I would be lying if I told you that 1 out of a 100 is still in good nick as they would say. I do have 2 women I know, sisters one who is 100 and the other 98. They are still going strong.
How? Great care and they are living in the same place, the same homes for the past 50 years or more. They can navigate their spaces almost without seeing. One still goes up and down the stairs but has the stair lift for coming down in particular as she is afraid of falling.
They are both feisty and still argue with each other as they have for almost a century. I honestly think they are keeping each other alive and alert as all of their friends, relatives and partners are long gone by decades.
I tried to give you an overview of the 80’s which is a decade if you know or have someone in that decade, is one where you have to make the effort to keep them healthy and happy. They should not be expected to do anything anymore.
As I wrote in other posts, this is the emeritus decade.
Anything beyond that into their 90’s is such a gift that it is day to day after that. If they make it to 90, be prepared that it might be the last time you see them each time you do see them.
This is the reality, there is no planning once you are your in your 90’s. It is survival, one diminishing yet glorious day at a time.
Or as the French would say, ‘Salut Aux Vieux’ or “Hail to the old folks’.
Hail indeed.
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