As a British man married to a Filipina, I can tell you that money is not the answer. At least, not all of it. Just a small part of the equation.
The first thing to understand about Filipinas is that, due to the heavy Spanish and American influences on their culture, they are far more ‘romantic’ in mindset than others in this region. SE Asian women tend to be highly pragmatic, and here in Cambodia, or across the border in Thailand or Vietnam, I would say economic considerations are the primary driving force behind marital arrangements.
Traditional and conservative women here tend to marry someone more or less chosen for them by family, although it is not quite the sort of forced ‘arranged’ marriage that you get in some cultures - more of a mutual agreement between two families of similar economic standing that they would be stronger together. That said, the weddings themselves are highly romantic occasions and the two people concerned do not generally get married unless they like each other and can see long-term potential in the relationship. It’s just not quite so idealist as relationships in the West are - you would unlikely see a middle-class Cambodian woman marrying a very poor local man because he’s ‘the one’ or ‘so dreamy’ and ‘I can fix him’ or whatever. But these kinds of women are known as ‘good girls’ which means they remain virginal until their wedding night.
For those that are not ‘good girls’, the traditional marriage door is somewhat closed to them. They are impure, sullied. Therefore, if they want any kind of long-term economic security, their only option is to find and marry a foreigner, from a more modern Western culture that does not require them to be ‘pure’ to be eligible for marriage.
The Philippines is something of an outlier in terms of mentality in this region. Filipinos are gregarious and romantic, and the women are (for want of a better turn or phrase) highly ‘sexed up’. It’s an extremely sexy culture. Sex before marriage is in no way a taboo there, rather it’s the norm. But Filipinas are also pretty idealistic at the outset, they want a big romantic engagement with a man who will love and cherish them, and very often they find that hard to achieve with local men. Rates of single-parenthood are very high, and it’s somewhat rare to meet Filipinas in their mid-20s and upward who do not already have at least one child from a local man, very often one who has long since buggered off and left her to raise the child without him.
Therefore, many of them turn to online dating to find their ‘forever partner’. I have asked a few what the appeal of older, western men is, if not just money, and it seems like money isn’t really the main consideration. They genuinely don’t care if you are rich or not. What they have told me is that the perception of Western men is that they are more ‘serious’ in relationships, so if you want to settle down long term with a man and grow old together, many Filipinas see Western men as a better long term bet than their local counterparts.
The older part is simply because older men are also seen as more serious about relationships. Someone like me, in my 40s, is more likely to have got any ‘playing around’ out of my system, won’t have my head turned by a shiny object, and can commit long term to a serious relationship.
During the Covid pandemic, my wife and I (and our stepson) have fallen on hard times, and by April this year found ourselves at the very brink of destitution. At no time, ever, no matter how poor we got, did my wife’s support of (and commitment to) me ever drop below exactly 100%. In fact, many times, she really was my rock, and her love and support were a great driving force in keeping me going, to keep working, and to keep trying to turn things around and get our family back on track. She also works tirelessly herself at her new career which is something called blockchain/NFT gaming which is a new thing most of you probably haven’t heard of but will in due course.
In the last few months things have really turned around for us, and I can actually say that in the last month, we reached the very significant milestone of actually being in a better position financially than we were at the start of the pandemic.
All of that said, the decision to marry a Filipina would have to rank among the best I ever made in my life. They make incredible wives, at least mine certainly does. I could not hope for a more supportive, committed, and accommodating life partner, nor one more beautiful, clever, funny, and sexy. I am quite sure that if she just liked me for my money, this would not be the case. In fact, she would logically have left me when I stopped being someone with any money worth speaking of.
Most women in poor countries are not stupid, they need to keep one eye on the future and if you grow up in a society where financial security is a great luxury, of course, this will be a factor in any long-term decisions you make. But it is highly ignorant of reality to write off any relationship between a Filipina and a Westerner as being all about money. They’re just not built like that. Some are, of course, but then that’s equally true of Western women as well. How many old millionaires don’t find it easy to attract young and beautiful Western women?
For the majority of Filipinas, though, and in my experience of knowing so many of them, what they are after is a serious long-term relationship with someone who’ll love and cherish them, care for them and their offspring, and won’t sleep around or run off with someone younger and prettier at the first opportunity. And western men tend to be a safer bet than locals, especially those past their 30s.
As for preferring specifically British men to other nationalities, I’ve seen no evidence of that. I don’t think it would make any difference if I were American, Canadian, Australian, or even Norwegian. What matters is that I am handsome (obviously), stable of mind, committed to the relationship and faithful. Money, in so much as we finally have some again, is a bonus.
No comments:
Post a Comment