It took me a long time to realize the bullying started when I was an infant. Delilah, my adoptive mother, was the first bully I became a victim of. Her bullying me was the stone she set to build the foundation of a lifetime of bullying.
I became a weak and timid boy. When school started, it was as if someone had tattooed “Bully Bait” on my forehead. I had lost track of the number of times I would get beat up at school, only to get bullied again when I got home by Delilah. It did not help when I realized I was different, yet I did not know why. I was ten when the bullies began calling me “faggot.” I had no idea what it meant until I asked them. They said that I liked boys. I did not dare admit it because I would get the shit beat out of me, not that I hadn’t already. Because I had gotten beat up, I was accused of fighting in school. Interestingly, the bullies never had a mark on them while I was sporting the black eye.
I was never a big kid in school. By the time I graduated eighth grade, I was five foot two and barely weighed sixty-two pounds. I was a runt. Between my ninth and tenth grades, I realized I was gay. I could not say anything. I was sixteen in 1970 when Delilah discovered my secret, and she would almost beat me to death. Being gay was illegal nationwide, although not all states enforced it. That day, Delilah outed me to family and anyone she felt should know.
Being bullied is not necessarily about showing one is bigger and stronger than you; it is intimidation. Delilah bullied me for multiple reasons. I was unwanted because I was born a twin. They wanted my twin sister; I was nothing more than an obligation. Every time Delilah would get angry at someone, she beat the shit out of me. I was conveniently left out of family gatherings or ignored most of the time. Yet, if I said anything, the verbal abuse would begin.
I wrote two books, available on Amazon/Kindle, about growing up during this time. “Erased and Unwanted,” and “A Midwestern Gay Boys Story: A Lifetime of Lies.” “TRIGGER WARNING.” My books are not easy to read.
What would I do if my children were being bullied? I did not need to worry. My son and daughter could stand up for themselves, and I never punished my kids for defending themselves.
Overcoming the effects of bullying is a lifelong thing. I still struggle with it. I no longer take shit off people. I strive never to be rude to anyone unless it is warranted. This is my story.
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