Monday, November 18, 2024

In what ways do you judge people before getting to know them?

You ask an interesting question. Everyone who has lived, is living now, or will ever live is guilty of passing judgment on others. I am guilty as charged because I know I have done it. I am not proud of it, yet it seems part of human nature.

The only thing we should strive to understand is learning to judge actions, not people. I have had some horrible things happen to me growing up from family, friends, teachers, and peers. I have been judged unfairly by people using religion to justify their reasons. I have judged those people for what they have done, sadly personally, instead of trying to understand where their judgments come from.

I have met young people living on the streets in the greater Los Angeles area and throughout Southern California. Why were these young people judged? Their judge and jury were their own family, simply because those family members could not or would not accept them because they were LGBTQ+. Then, society doesn’t want to deal with it, and they are also a part of the problem.

Judgments are cruel to innocent people. I entirely discovered I was gay when I was fourteen in 1968. Two years later, on September 25, 1970, my adopted mother (Delilah) made her discovery of me being gay. It would be best if you remembered it was illegal to be gay back then, depending upon where you lived. I lived in the heart of the Midwest. Judgment? Delilah outed me to my adoptive father (Ray) and then proceeded to out me to the entire family. I was judged severely. I was threatened that if I ever thought about being or acting on being gay, my life would be destroyed. Delilah and relatives even outed me to the entire town. I think you get the idea.

No one took the time to get to know me. It was far easier to judge me than to know me. I lived in fear. After years of conditioning and threats, I had to live in the manner I was told to live. I would never let people see the real me. Little did I know, people had already picked up what I was trying to suppress. People made judgments about me without getting to know me.

I strive not to do that to people. It is not always easy. I give people more than enough chances to get to know them, yet it is often not reciprocated. As soon as they figure out that I’m gay, the ugly claws, anything sharp and pointy, they stab me in the back. I have been accused of many things, and 99% are false.

I cannot tell you how to stop; I only make suggestions. Learning to stop judging is not easy. Yet, it becomes easier when you put forth the effort to change.

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