I’m less than a year away from 40, and I’m not married. I remember a time in my life when I would’ve been absolutely crushed by that, and so I get it. The person I loved didn’t love me back, and it was so heartbreaking that it sparked a lot of growth. I finally figured out who I was and now that person doesn’t look so great.
I was taught early on that I was just an extension of other people, and so the peak of existence and happiness was to belong to someone else. Now, I know that’s a lie. There are plenty of miserable married people who don’t see the point of living. Marriage won’t magically fix everything or give you purpose.
I’m still figuring out what lights me up. One thing I’ve started doing is writing and learning how to create illustrations. I never thought I was good enough, and now I’m more focused on just trying and being in the moment. I also have my faith. I know God is with me, and this brings me a lot of peace. I haven’t always had that, and It definitely helps me feel less lonely.
I still get a bit worried about how everything will turn out because I have stepped out of my comfort zone so much and decided to go it alone, but it’s only an illusion that I’m alone. I’m not. If I really needed help desperately, I could find it. God helps me even though I’m not always aware of it.
I’m just sharing my experience to tell you that you’re not alone and that I have found meaning without being married. Is life perfect and free of suffering? No. But it isn’t for anyone, and I find purpose in being alive. It helps me through the rough times, and I have a reason to wake up every morning.
I’ll be praying that you find meaning and a healthy marriage if that’s a part of the plan. If it isn’t, you can still find joy. Don’t give up.
And if you are depressed, reach out to a counselor. I suffered with depression for many years, and I never thought it would leave me. It has. There is hope. Keep going.
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