The greatest form of kindness is to be kind to those we have the strength to destroy.
I wrote a piece about it just yesterday, about meeting with my ex-wife and the man she left me for[1] He gambled away a fortune that wasn’t his to begin with on the stock market, and now the two of them have nothing. It would have been the easiest thing in the world, to tell her to get lost.
But did I? No, I did not. In fact, I cooked a big meal and I gave her food, and I even gave her new partner a plate. It was the first time in over two days that either of them had anything decent to eat. I shook his hand, too. It looked frail. He looked like a man beaten by life. And he brought it on himself. Made bad choices. Lost it all. Three years ago, I’d have loved to punch his lights out. I easily could have, the guy has the skinny-fat physique of a gaming addict, he’s built like E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial. There’s power in not doing this, however. In putting on a smile and serving former enemies and rivals with a bowl of hot, steaming rice and meat…
It does not take a lot of strength to act violently and vindictively at all times, to be like a predator, seeking out to destroy those weaker than us. True strength is in “being the bigger man” and remaining cordial. Forgiveness makes our hearts lighter, whereas vengeance may not taste as sweet a day or two after when it is too easy to come by and serves no real purpose beyond short-term gratification.
Footnotes
[1] Jean-Marie Valheur's answer to Are you cheerful or sad today?
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