I was extremely spoiled growing up. Everything I wanted I had. My dad grew up with very little and wanted me to have everything. He was an executive, which made this possible.
We had maids weekly. My dad cooked. Car paid for and repaired without questions. Financial advisors, tax advisors, lawyers, tutors, you name it. The best teen jobs set up through his networking. Meet and greets with celebrities at concerts because he “knew a guy”. Life was easy. I didn’t lift a finger and had every tool imaginable at my disposal. I wrongfully assumed this is what life was like for everyone. It was just the environment I grew up in and I did not know any better. All of my cohorts grew up like this.
Then, my dad died somewhat unexpectedly 2 days before I turned 17. My mom was not capable of maintaining this lifestyle’s cost since she was a stay at home mom with a high school diploma and no real career prior to marrying my dad. My sisters and my mom had life insurance policies for them. A life insurance policy or any sense of financial security (eg. Trusts/wills) was the one thing my dad neglected to set up for me. My life changed literally overnight.
At 17 I didn’t know how to clean. Pay bills. Budget. Get jobs without the benefit of nepotism. And the SSA gave me 13k in total payments for his passing to start my adult life with. This was all I received and my mom made it very clear I was to take care of my own life and expenses now that she was living on a fixed income. I was clueless.
I spent the next decade or so of my life “growing up” and learning the life skills I was never taught. I accrued significant student loan debt and other debts since I was on my own - and easy to manipulate. It was humiliating explaining to bosses that I didn’t understand basic tasks. I’m grateful to a bunch of food service employees I worked with while I went to college who took me under their wing and taught me how to survive when I explained my backstory and why I was struggling. I was not lazy. I truly did not understand the work required for the tasks. I would not have made it without them and I would not have been the successful, self-sufficient person I am today. I will forever be grateful to the handful of people that were like family to me. I was so lucky I met such understanding, caring people. They saved me.
Raise your kids as if they have nothing. Do not coddle or spoil them. They will suffer for it when you are gone and it will alienate them. It will cost them years to catch up to their peers. I do not regret my upbringing nor do I hold resentment. But I was left in a bad position from a point of poorly executed, profound love. Encouraging self sufficiency is how you make sure your kids do well across their entire lifespan. You can still love someone without handing them their lives on a silver platter. The platter will tarnish at some point and it is harder to adjust later on in life than it is to grow into that life.
No comments:
Post a Comment