I spent three years in the Visayan region when my Filipino wife and I moved there decades ago. We ultimately relocated to the States. Initially I experienced culture shock primarily due to the feeling that I was suddenly living within an oppressive regime. But this was during the Marcos years. Also, as a writer and artist, I walked around the city and suburbs of the place we lived studying the culture and taking many photos. This may have seemed suspicious to some authorities, and a young military officer friend did in fact warn me that I was being watched. Being married to a girl from a known family in the business community may not have been too helpful either, though her family was not politically active.
Beyond that issue of concern for personal liberty, my only problem was getting used to the humidity and learning the nuances of doing things within the cultural system without unknowingly offending someone. I believe I learned to do that while still remaining who I was and not backing down during every disagreement.
I also believe that what worked for me is that, despite what many black Americans love to claim, people are not inherently racist or prejudiced. In my case, while remaining respectfully proud of my own Western European based American race and culture, I truly love being around other people and immersing myself in their culture. It was even more rewarding when that was the culture of the one I loved and still love. The key is to ask them to not demand that you embrace what you cannot or try to become them. That can be difficult when you marry into another culture, and especially move into it geographically.
I feel as comfortable around Filipinos and other cultural groups as with my own. I am usually a little happier in such situations because, as a writer, artist, historian, and geographer, I am experiencing and learning while having fun, even in a work environment. During our time there, there was usually only one other white American or American of any ethnicity around at any given time who was somebody I knew well enough to interact with. Faces might change as one left or arrived, but the total of ‘one’ did not change. I was totally fine with that. Interestingly, I knew there were other Americans in the area, but I had no urge to seek them out. If we met accidentally or at some event, so be it, but I was not homesick and in need of their company.
Beauty is only of limited importance in life, but one must note that, in the Philippine Islands, it is pleasant to be around people as pleasant, warm, and friendly as Filipinos. I recall American women commenting about the handsome looks of the Filipino men they met. And for men, even those happily and loyally married as I am, there is something pleasantly refreshing about being around and interacting with such pretty women who have no need of makeup (due to their color and natural features such as eyes and hair). I am a proponent of no makeup for everyone and applaud Alicia Keys’ stand on the issue; but, in the case of the Filipina and her Southeast Asian sisters, makeup is clearly unnecessary and sometimes annoying when used. Even people of average appearance there are pleasant to be around. There is a reason for all those Filipino earned international beauty contest titles. The Philippines, like every country, has its flaws and problems with poverty, crime, and politics, but the people of the islands combine with their culture (a wonderful blend of Spanish and Asian) to make an experience that seems like the travel posters can come to life.
If there had ever been significant improvement in the crime issues and certain social and political issues, we might have never left and would have lived out our lives and raised our family there.
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