The things that no one tells you about living alone are huge. For starters, when adults between the ages of 40–60 live alone, they are regarded as social freaks. Because, you know, it’s abnormal for healthy adults to want to live alone. Some of us live alone because we lost a significant other and either can’t or won’t move on. Others, like myself, had to go through a lot of self inflicted torment early on in adult life. I didn’t want to have a normal life, and let me tell you, I didn’t. My parents were unfortunately not good role models for marriage, or divorce, but that’s another story. Consequently, I was emotionally stunted, and blamed my poor choices on them. Fortunately, for me, I got into therapy and began to grow up emotionally. When I turned 45, I realized that I needed to take care of me, emotionally, financially, all ways. My mom lived alone from the age of her early 40’s until her passing at age 73. She told me that she was happiest living alone. No big family meal preparation, no noise, no one pushing her to do things that she didn’t want to do.
When I arrived at living alone, I knew of all the advantages, but no one told me about the mind piercing quiet. I also learned to sleep with the TV on, and I adopted a few dogs to force me to get up when some days I would have gladly just stayed in bed.
After you live alone for a few years, something quite amazing happens. You stop hearing a lot of background noise, other people’s conversations, and you start to focus on what’s really important to you. I realized that no one has the same life, even if all married people look alike, they definitely have different lifestyles going on. Being happy is not about conforming to what everyone else is doing, being happy means that you are being true to yourself.
Even if that means learning how to live with the mind piercing quiet. As I learned more about myself, and started caring for others, and loving my dogs, that quiet turned into a very peaceful, and warm home.
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