You may have violated some unspoken rules in Filipino society.
There are cultures that are more analytical and cultures that are more contextual.
Asian societies tend to be highly contextual. That is to say, there are many invisible unwritten rules that everybody in that society just knows.
American, British, Scandinavian, and German are very analytical. That is to say, what they say is what they mean. There aren’t a lot of rules, and generally speaking, people are very forward and blunt.
I’m speaking in generalities here so take my words with a grain of salt.
Filipinos are outgoing, open to new experience, and inclusive. If you are not invited, there are probably things you are doing that turn them off.
Filipinos tend to not like people who complain. If you are a complainer, to Filipinos that means you were spoiled by your parents and not taught good manners. You are ungrateful about life and should probably be avoided.
Filipinos are patient, happy go lucky, go with the flow, don’t rock the boat type of people. Filipinos like to maintain as much as possible a calm positive atmosphere. If you are obnoxious, always want to be the center of attention, starting drama, making scenes for no reason, they may not want you in the group.
Filipinos don’t like confrontation. If you like arguing and starting wars of words, they will avoid you. Filipinos would rather settle things once and for all with a fist fight rather than continually deal with verbal abuse.
Filipinos are very sensitive with words, things can easily be taken as insults. If you express anger easily, have a sassy attitude, that is considered bad mannered and insensitive. Be diplomatic and watch your words when disagreeing or criticizing Filipinos. Filipinos will usually not tell you if you said something offensive, instead they’ll just cut contact with you.
Don’t be mad if people talk in their own language, you might think its rude, but to Filipinos it has nothing to do with you so you don’t need to be in on this conversation. Just chill, and don’t be offended. Being offended will only get you not invited to the table the next time.
Filipinos are sensitive to racism and displace of racial or cultural superiority. There are historical reasons for this. If you give a hint at all that you think you are above them, then they will tell each other about you and avoid you.
Body language, tone, and facial expressions are forms of communication that are heighten in Filipinos. Smiling and having a relaxed attitude invites others to engage with you. Looking apathetic, low energy, and pissed off all the time repel.
Filipinos are warm people - that is to say, touch is an important part of social interaction. To Filipinos, maintaining distance and showing a distaste for touch signals “don’t get close to me, don’t be my friend”. Southern European and Latin American cultures tend to associate physical closeness and touch with social closeness and friendliness. Northern Europeans and East Asians then to value more a larger personal space and avoid touch.
Some Filipinos are conservative. Not so much in actual moral behavior but rather in maintaining perceptions. Filipinos are mostly Catholic and do not like discussing certain topics. Times are changing, but there is a sense of moral superiority due to religious piety. There is a social dress code on what is appropriate and inappropriate that may differ with Western standards.
Filipinos value family and respect older people. Older people are given much respect and are not to be disrespected. There is a hierarchy in family that must be observed, younger generations and younger siblings respect older generations and older siblings.
In any society, you should be conservative in expressing yourself. There are social land mines that you might step on. Observe, ask, and study. When in Rome, do as the Romans do.
When dealing with Filipinos, smile. Be diplomatic. Don’t be a complainer. Don’t criticize. Don’t be negative. Be open minded about culture, especially food. Don’t be afraid of touch and getting physically close. Slapping high fives, patting each other on the back, and other gestures of physical closeness are good ways to establish connection. Of course, don’t assume everybody likes this so test the waters and ease yourself into it.
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