Why are Filipinos considered rude when they are actually very nice people?

Norman Owen

30 years teaching Southeast Asian history at the university level.

I don’t know that they are considered rude, except by people who haven’t figured out that every culture is different, and different doesn’t necessarily mean bad.

One could make some very broad generalizations about Filipino culture (vis-a-vis Western cultures in particular), subject to the disclaimer that they certainly do not apply to all Filipinos. Their culture is much more “personal” than many Western cultures, in that it’s considered perfectly normal to ask people how many children they have (and why they don’t have more), etc. Filipinos, especially men, can also be very touchy about “honor”; being disrespected may demand some kind of angry response. Filipinos love to sing and dance, which makes them noisier than some other societies. Filipinos like to be with other people, and regard solitude as a curse rather than a blessing; if you are going anywhere (even to the hospital), a common question is “Who will your companion be?” on the assumption that no one would ever voluntarily be alone.

Filipinos tend not to keep Western standards of punctuality, which may mean (to a Westerner) that they are always late. Filipinos prefer not to say “No” directly to anyone, which means that they have a variety of ways of apparently agreeing with you when in fact they don’t (a distinction clear in their minds, if not ours), leading to situations in which an outsider feels disappointed or even betrayed. (E.g., if a Filipino says, in response to an invitation, “I’ll try to come,” it means he’s not coming but it too polite to say so directly.) Etc., Etc.

But none of this, however unfamiliar it may be to a non-Filipino, is inherently “rude,” unless you believe in some universal Rules of Behavior (which happen to be those of your culture) that they are violating. As you say, Filipinos are extremely nice people, and if someone finds them otherwise, there’s a good chance that either (1) that someone has provoked them excessively, or (2) that someone just doesn’t understand Filipino culture, and isn’t trying to.