Friday, December 29, 2023

My Filipino husband's family asks for money a few times a year. Do we give or not?

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Not sure if things have changed since you posted this a few years ago. As a Filipino myself and knowing the culture, I would say his family continues to ask for money.

I can tell you honestly, it won’t stop unless you or your husband stop giving them money when they ask. Let me advise you though, if you stop, the chances of his family cutting you off is very likely and they will call your husband ‘walang utang na loob’ (rough English translation ‘No sense of indebtedness’). It’s just the Filipino culture. It’s very toxic! Filipinos have a sense of entitlement… people think that their children, siblings, relatives, friends, acquaintances, neighbors, government, strangers, foreigners, and the world, owe them. If you continue to give, expect that they will continue to depend on you for the rest of your life. Filipino parents treat their children as an investment and retirement plan. Family members treat a sibling who makes more money like an ATM machine that dispenses free money.

Since his family lives in the US and makes US dollars, you can give suggestions on how they can get funds: take a bank loan, get a part-time job, and sell some of their belongings. You can tell them also to live within their means. If you give money, the chances of repayment is 99.99% ‘NOT GOING TO HAPPEN’. Filipino family assume if you give them money (even if it’s ‘borrowed’ money), that the money is free. If for some insane chance, they pay you back, they’ll immediately borrow money again. So in the end, it’s as if you never got repaid. It’s a never-ending cycle.

Good luck! I feel for you.

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