I’ve read a lot of answers and opinions here but find a couple of things that are really significant that are missing.
First, an unwed mother in America is no big deal nowadays. Not so in the Philippines. There it is a major social transgression. She cannot find a Filipino husband because he would be stigmatized as well. She can only work for a foreign company because a local company will not hire her. Work legal protections here in the US and in the West are not present in this regard there. An unwed mother in the Philippines has no real choice but to seek a foreign husband. Given their good feelings towards America and Americans very often it’s going to be an American. Or other Westerner.
Second, Filipinas make outstanding wives. Not because they are “pushovers” and are “subservient” but because they actually have values nowadays. Conservative and very traditional and respectable values. Family values. Take a look at where Family Values are in America today…Down the tubes! While there are Filipinas who just want a paid ticket to America or other Western country they do not by far represent the majority of Filipinas dating Western men. A typical Filipina wants someone with good values, morals, and ethics. That’s hard to find in a lot of places and a lot of men nowadays…But it’s also hard to that in a Western woman. Many women in America and the West have problems with alcohol, drugs, pot, infidelity, mental illness, lack of intimacy, and a host of Western world problems. That have troubled and wrecked my previous marriages and relationships. Traditional Filipinas do not have these problems. Traditional Filipinas think Family is the most important thing. Instead of being “baggage” as kids are termed here in America nowadays when dating. I could go on, but if you look at the traditional values that Filipinas still have and are still looking for, that I think is the big and biggest thing. Note that there is no divorce in the Philippines. So traditional Filipinas don’t think about marrying for divorce but for the long term.
Third, a good man in America (and possibly other Western countries) can’t find a good woman in America if he is considered too ugly (and not sufficiently wealthy to offset that). So if you look different or strange or ugly…You are out of luck. So what do you do? I put dating postings with photos in dating sites around the world trying to figure out where women would find me at least acceptable instead of too ugly or strange looking. America? 1 response every 1 to 1.5 years. South America? No responses. OK, cross that off my list. Europe? Nope, nothing. Russia? 2 responses in one year. OK, my slanted eyes probably reminds them of the Mongols, not a good thing! Japan? Not a one! Maybe the Mongols got that far…
Oh! I should point out that my eyes look very funny for a Westerner. I’ve been asked too many times if I am Native American, Oriental, etc. Not that I know of…But I am an Orphan so I do not know my background at all. One person who lived and worked in Mongolia said that I could walk down the main street in Ulan Bator and fit right in. Who knows? I haven’t been there yet to try it.
Mongolia? One interestingly enough but we didn’t “click”. Africa? Nope? Caribbean? No. China…Yes! Several. I had a couple really good pen pals for a while. Learned a lot of interesting things such as the Lunar Holiday. Thailand? Yes! I got a couple of women who expressed interest in me. But it went nowhere after a while. Philippines? Yes! Too many to respond to! They didn’t see my eyes as strange as they are ethnically diverse. And what was my magic spell that I cast? I went against all Internet dating advice, used my real name, and told my life story, was completely honest in all things all the time. Like being “fixed” and married and divorced a couple of times. They never asked me how much money I made. Or how rich or poor I was. I detected some scammers, and often from another country famous for scammers posing as Filipinas. I met all sorts of interesting women of all ages. I didn’t limit my top age range…OK…99 years was my cutoff which I thought was fair. I got a fair number of very and too young women writing me which I didn’t pursue telling them that they were much too young for me and should find a good husband that could for sure give them kids. One I think was only 14! I gave her a good talking to about what she was doing being totally wrong. I met only a few women older than me and my own age because by that time most of them had simply given up. Made some nice friends. Two were very impressive business women. We became friends but nothing more as it just didn’t go further than that.
The point of all this, is that some men look overseas because they have no good options in their own home country. Not just due to looks but also because of lack of values and ethics, which from my perspective includes drug use and abuse (including pot), drinking and alcoholism, and inability to effectively participate adequately in a close relationship.
Filipinas make a lot of Western and especially American women upset with jealousy and hate because they are the antithesis of what they are or deep down feel that they are. They feel “out competed” by Filipinas of any age, just by virtue of the many wonderful qualities of Filipinas. I can tell stories of American men that are neglected and abused in their marriages. They are not happy. And their domineering wives are not happy. Marriage is supposed to be a partnership not a competition or conflict.
I finally came to the conclusion that many (most?) women…And also the men…In America just do not know how to Love! And I’m writing a series of books and developing courses in just this topic…and additional topics to help correct this widespread problem.
But sometimes one finds a woman that naturally knows how to Love. In a culture where Love is not yet a bad four letter word but rather have traditional and important values.
A wonderful woman found my dog story on the Internet and my website and emailed me about it. We emailed back and forth and she helped me with translating it to Tagalog so kids and adults can learn how to read English by reading an amusing and interesting story. And she then helped with other non-profit oriented research and projects that I have created. That was almost four years ago. We’ve talked each and every day since. And along the way we fell in Love. I’ve visited her four times. Originally her family was against the relationship since I was an American and they had heard bad things about Americans. But I just talked with them and acted myself and that turned around. One brother is a university researcher and another a police officer. She, her two boys, and several of her relatives go with me every Christmas when I visit the local orphanage to give the kids a pep talk and Jollibee (the Filipino equivalent of McDonald's). It’s a truly wonderful experience and I would encourage others to do this when visiting other countries. It’s something that I am very motivated to do and can’t do in the US as there are no orphanages here anymore.
What I found in the Filipina that I am finally marrying in 3 weeks, and other Filipinas that I have met online and there in the Philippines is a very strong Family orientation and traditional values and ethics, a strong spiritual sense in their Roman Catholicism that is subtly but importantly different from what I find in America (it’s more spiritual than ritual), intelligent women who are also very strong in character and morals and ethics, and yet are really caring and loving individuals. And Happy! In spite of what we would think of as “poverty” many Filipinos and Filipinos are actually very happy and fulfilled people. Why? Because they have family and friends and community and culture that they really, really care about!
It is amazingly and wonderfully different than what I have and what I find here in America.
I couldn’t find a good woman for me here in America or elsewhere except where I found the One for me finally. And by meeting family and friends and orphans and visiting the country and its people instead of just sightseeing I came to learn a whole bunch of things that I just didn’t know about what people are like and how they live and Love in another country.
She is younger than me and has two boys. No matter. Love doesn’t do boundaries. Children are not “baggage”. They are jewels of Happiness if you are a good Father. In laws and extended family are nice and wonderful, not like the combatants like they are so often here in the US. Plan to retire there and help teach the Orphans up the road at the orphanage English, science, and other subjects. And do a lot of writing, courses, and Teaching online. My fiance has been helping me all along and we will continue to work together on educational projects in the future. We have one book on Soul Full Love published and several more in the works. We are planning and working on being Happy in marriage and family that we couldn’t find within our respective countries. We both had to go to the opposite side of the world to find each other.
That’s my story in a nutshell.
And it’s not right or appropriate to denigrate our relationship and Love just because we are from different countries and have an age difference. And by people who have a disruptive agenda and try to categorize all men as evil and evil doers. There are a lot of reasons why Western men look outside their own countries. And there’s a lot of reasons why Filipinas are so desirable. I’ve been thinking of writing a book about that, that many Western women could learn from. For Filipinas are some of the happiest and most wonderful women that I’ve found in the world. And many American women are very unhappy having put their focus on things and vanity rather than people and Family.
The Secret of Happiness?
It’s not really a secret in some places. It’s just a way of life. Focus on Family and Marriage and Love…And you’ll find the Happiness that you’ve been missing and could not find elsewhere, in things, in money, in vanity.
The Secret to a Long Relationship and Marriage?
Make Love, Marriage and Family, the most important thing in your Life…
Let nothing be more important than It…
And Live It and Build It, Your Love, each and every day…
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