Refuse to be goaded into pointless aggression and violence. This is doubly true if you have a family, especially dependant children -you have no business taking a risk with your health and therefore their well-being. Responsibility is the defining characteristic of manliness to me, and it is a business of a father to ensure he does not endanger the people whose happiness is dependent on his continuous ability to provide guidance and support for them. Temptation to use violence happens all the time: the big, insecure guy who has little but his size going for him needs to prove his ‘manliness’ by picking a fight with you. He questions your masculinity in order to make you resort to your fists. Don’t. Now that’s manly.
Evolution has endowed men with surplus of testosterone, and violence has been idealised throughout the ages. It is easy to act on violent impulses and hard to control them. But doing the hard thing that is the right thing is the epitome manliness.
I’ll quote the great Stoic philosopher, Marcus Aurelius here:
Note that I do NOT mean being a pushover or not defending those in danger or helping those in need. You need to assess if violence is the right tool for the situation. In 99 times out of 100, it is not. You can still stand your ground, talk, or walk/run away. I think the great Admiral Yi put it the best when it comes to the mindset you should have when dealing with people who push you:
My life is simple, my food is plain, and my quarters are uncluttered. In all things, I have sought clarity. I face the troubles and problems of life and death willingly. Virtue, integrity and courage are my priorities. I can be approached, but never pushed; befriended but never coerced; killed but never shamed.
- Admiral Yi Sun Sin (1545-1598)
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